


To A Better Future

by NaidaIldri



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 02:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaidaIldri/pseuds/NaidaIldri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens after Naruto kills Sasuke? How does he deal with the death of the one person who gave his life a meaning and acknowledged him? And what is Gaara's role in this?<br/>Drabble chaptered fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Naruto and Sasuke met for the last time, Naruto was twenty. Sasuke was so far gone that even the one who had longed for him knew that the only way to save him was to kill him. So Naruto did; With three rasengan's that left him so tired he could barely stand up during Sasuke's funeral where he and Sakura mourned the boy ho would help unasked, complaining all the while, the boy who had intercepted Haku's needles, and the boy that Naruto had fallen so desperately in love with at that moment.

Sasuke's funeral was quiet and was held outside Konoha. Only Naruto and Sakura attended.  
For the next few months Naruto was quiet, and sorrowful. He ddn't laugh, barely smiled and his consumption of ramen increased. Everyone had expected it though, so they didn't say much. They couldn't empathise and cry with Naruto for the death of someone who had betrayed and near destroyed the village they lived in, and they had sworn to protect, and Naruto wasn't one for pity or meaningless platitudes. His behaviour was normal for one who was grieving, and believed that he would soon snap out of it. He was the the no.1-unpredictable-knucklehead-ninja after all. He would bounce back with his cheesy grins and sparkling eyes. He always did.

What everyone else didn't see were the nightmares and the aches that Naruto thought went down to his very bones but hid oh so well behind blue eyes so dull they looked gray. They didn't see him taking the thrashings of drunk and bigoted villagers which he would usually escape with careless ease, and they didn't see his sorrow give way to anxiety and depression. They saw what he wanted them to see, just as they always had. He fooled them all, even his most precious people, because no matter how precious they were to him, they couldn't understand. They never would. They weren't jinchuuriki.


	2. Chapter 2

Watching Naruto from a distance, Gaara sighed. Just like clockwork, Naruto was here at Sasuke's grave to lay a single red spider lily on it and stand in such deep thought that even his bijuu enhanced ninja reflexes were ignored, leaving him worryingly vulnerable.

Naruto's mask was perfect, but how could it work on someone who knew what that masks was for? So while Gaara didn't quite know or quite see, he knew that Naruto was dealing with a hurt that refused to heal. What else could be the reaction of a boy denied acknowledgement, denied the right to exist, denied everything but hurt and grief and sorrow and painpainpain?

Iruka aside, the only person to protect Naruto, to believe that he was someone worth saving, someone worth caring about and willing to show it, albeit grudgingly, was Sasuke Uchiha. Why else would Naruto take the beatings of mere villagers if not to know that he could still feel, even if it was only his body? His heart had been numbed the moment he recognised the need to take the life of the one who gave him a reason to live, and he doubted if it could ever feel anything but a throbbing ache of hurtgriefsorrowpain again.

No one knew of course, no one ever would, but Gaara understood. Gaara knew hurt and grief and sorrow and painpainpain; Gaara knew masks and numbed hearts; Gaara knew the need for a reason to live and not just exist; Gaara was jinchuuriki. Who better than Gaara then, to empathise with Naruto as he grieved deeply for his loss and not quite loss- for the boy Naruto fell in love with disappeared a long time ago.

Gaara understood and perhaps would feel even more if put in Naruto's position, for if he had been in Naruto's shoes, then he would have long ago joined his beloved in death; His beloved was still a source of great comfort and hope and would probably come rushing in if he required assistance. Which is why he watched over Naruto, his beloved, protecting him at his most vulnerable state, and noting the bruises that were taking longer to heal, touched his fingers to the 'love' tattoo on his forehead and made a vow to take and heal and protect the one who had finally, finally released his emotions and let him feel what he had tried so desperately to feel when he used his sand to carve his skin.


	3. Chapter 3

One more month. Naruto decided that he would hold on for one more month in which he would put his affairs in order, and then leave Konoha. No doubt he would be named a missing-nin and have the hunter-nin on his tail immediately - Tsunade-baa chan didn't have any power against the Council - They would never let her name him Rokudaime Hokage and they sure as hell wouldn't pass up a chance to eliminate him.

The aches were more deep-seated now, and he had begun to resort to staying up all night just to escape the nightmares. He didn't dare speak more than a few words anymore because he was quite convinced that if he did the keening, grieving, blood-curling cry bubbling in his throat would finally come out and everything that was left of him would be ripped out with it.

Several years worth of pain associated solely with Sasuke and his own unrequited love had reached breaking point in Naruto, and the demon-container's endurance level was finally saturated.

He didn't doubt that his friends would miss him, but Iruka would be able to grieve and move on, as would the others. He had buried too many of his loved ones already – Jiraya, Asuma, old man Hokage, they were all gone, and now so was Sasuke. By. His. Own. Hand.

Sometimes when he sat through the night Naruto would often think of Gaara, of the strong bond they shared and wished he could hide himself in the red folds of Gaara's standard clothing and weep till he had no tears left and would have, because he knew Gaara would let him. But Gaara was the Kazekage, and he couldn't possibly bother him like that. But he supposed a visit to Suna before he took off would be appropriate, and decided to take up the first mission that came his way that took him as close to Suna as possible. He would meet the red head again, if only to commit to memory his appearance and their conversation. He wanted to know that someone among the the living had understood him, at the very least, even as he went on to the afterlife.


	4. Chapter 4

After ensuring that he had no further meetings for the day, an exhausted Gaara locked the door before he slumped down to the ground; it was very uncharacteristic of him of course, but he saw no reason to ignore and try to change mannerisms that he had picked up from his beloved.

Contemplating the last few very hectic days, Gaara concluded that nothing could have gone better. The only way he could bring Naruto to Suna permanently was by sending in an equally talented, if not better ninja to take his place. Such an exchange was a first for both villages and the arguments he had with the elders of both villages had reached astronomical levels. The elders of Suna were wary of Konoha's reaction and protested the loss of Temari vehemently, despite the fact that she had been carrying on with the Nara heir ever since the Chunnin exams. Pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation, Gaara thought about the utterly gormless elders of Konoha who had insisted that Naruto be punished for 'daring to bewitch the Kazekage'. The noise levels had gone beyond those of a simple meeting and only the continued presence of Gaara in the room had prevented the elders from marching off on crusades to eliminate Naruto. The very thought made him growl and his sand rise up defensively.

Gaara of course, being who he was, had merely waited for the cacophony to die down before pointedly directing his sand to encase every single elder in the room. His bijuu may have been removed, but he was still Sabaku no Gaara. He had made a vow to protect rather than destroy, but he would willingly watch the world burn before he let Naruto's spirit die.

Convincing Temari was as easy as he had expected, thankfully enough, although the matter reminded him of the little chat he needed to have with Shikamaru Nara. She had questioned his motives, as he knew she would, but a blank gaze was sufficient to shut her up. He had never been particularly close to his siblings, and it really wasn't his story to tell. Kankuro of course, knew better than to pry into Gaara's affairs.

Rising from his spot on the floor, Gaara went to sit behind his desk and complete his letter to the Godaime Hokage. Tsunade-sama was bound to kick up a fuss, that he was certain of, considering her attachment to his beloved, but he did think bringing Naruto's actual condition to light might halt her protests, even it was simply guilt for not having noticed her 'little brother's' deterioration. There was nothing left for Naruto in Konoha anymore, not with the promise of Uchiha's return nullified. His friends saw nothing, and believed what they presumed about him; They did not deserve him.

Satisfied with his letter, Gaara called for his fastest ANBU and dispatched the letter with the woman to Konoha. No carrier pigeons would be trusted with this message, not when Naruto's health and happiness was at stake.

Gaara wasn't quite certain about how he would proceed should Naruto say no, but he would find a way. He had to. His beloved was drowning and he was the only one who could hear the silent call for help. He would help heal Naruto, he would convince him that coming to Suna was the best option for everyone concerned. He was Sabaku no Gaara and he would not let his beloved give up.


	5. Chapter 5

Naruto shifted his gaze from Tsunade baa-chan to Gaara, stunned. He was to go to Suna permanently? He knew about Shikamaru and Temari of course, he was the only one apart from Chouji that the shadow user would confide in, but he never anticipated... this! And for Gaara to ask for him, when he could have asked for any other ninja in the village; What was he playing at?

He agreed though, how could he not? Gaara was looking at him silently with that muted plea in his normally expressionless sea-foam eyes and baa-chan looked like she had willingly made the hardest decision of her life, he had to agree. And above everything, Gaara made him feel. After entire months of a continuous stream of hurtnumbhurtnumb, he felt a light gentle warmth, just enough to soothe those deep aches momentarily, because he was actually wanted.

Accepting his re-location, Naruto left for his tiny spotless apartment to pack the few belongings he had into a small backpack. Labeling his stack of unopened instant ramen as a donation to the village orphanage, he took a final look at the only refuge he ever had before turning to Gaara who had been waiting for him, who wanted to take him to Suna like a bride being escorted to her new home by her groom. The thought made him think of Sasuke though, and as he went spiraling back down into despair he felt a cool hand, ever so gentle and oh so soft lightly touch his shoulder. Naruto sighed. He was wanted, he needed to concentrate on that and forget his plan. He didn't have to be a missing-nin to move on. He turned to Gaara, and the two set off for Konoha's gates,

All of Naruto's friends were there, Sakura crying and begging him to write and visit, Neji's cool assessing gaze softening in understanding and acknowledgment, Kiba's and Lee's loud goodbye's, Ino and Hinata both wishing him luck, TenTen shaking his hand and squeezing it in reassurance, Chouji's crushing hug and finally, Shika's warm loose embrace, reminding him that even here, despite everything he had lost, he still had a friend who would always be there, even if he could not understand everything.

Tsunade baa-chan, Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei had all near about crushed him to themselves, whispering promises of letters and meetings, ruffling his hair and squeezing his arm and kissing his forehead, and finally telling him that he was loved, and always would be.

And yet, through all this Naruto's eyes remained fixated on Gaara, who looked on the proceedings blankly as usual, only a hint of pleasure sparking in his eyes when he saw the affection in Shika's embrace as well as baa-chan's and both the sensei's farewells. He saw the concern and acceptance and understanding in those kohl rimmed eyes and felt a little more of the strange light warmth creeping through his bones, and finally felt at ease. He knew this comfort was fleeting, but for the moment, he felt a little better, and could finally hope that one day the ghost of his memories of Sasuke would stop haunting him.

He slipped out the gates with Gaara, pausing to adjust his backpack comfortably over his shoulder. He didn't look back.


	6. Chapter 6

Gaara watched as Naruto gaped at the suite he had arranged for the blond in the Kazekage's tower. It was a lovely set of rooms- a bedroom with an attached bathroom, a sitting area, an office room and a kitchenette separated by shoji and lined with tatami mats- all done up in different shades of blue which helped cool the suite. The tower itself was built of brick and adobe, like much else of the desert architecture, with wide reinforced tinted windows blocked with jute shutters. He had also provided for clothing for Naruto, the loose flowing kaftan clothing of the desert-people in colours of camel brown, black and white with the trade mark Uzumaki swirl on the back.

It would not do for his beloved to live in the squalor Konoha had forced him in, and regardless of a few voices- which would be silenced- who put Naruto down for being their Kazekage's favourite, all of Suna understood that the reason they didn't have a monster in their village, that their leader was still alive was because of the blond, and thus didn't object.

Gaara thought back to his talk with Shikamaru, who had been warned the same way the village elders had, where the tables had been turned on him. Shikamaru had always been observant, and had been Naruto's friend long before the 'rookie nine' were formed. Naruto may not have realized it, but he did have people there for support. Shikamaru had encouraged the young Kazekage, recognizing the importance of Gaara's attention on Naruto, but had also warned him that should Naruto be hurt, he would come with Tsunade, Kakashi and a very angry Iruka to defend Naruto and take him back to Konoha.

Briefly Gaara wondered if he had done right by Naruto by bringing him to Suna permanently, but then he remembered the brokenhearted boy laying spider lilies for a lost lover who never really was, and then shifted his gaze to the same boy who was looking at him at the moment with pathetic gratefulness and concluded that he had done what was best for his beloved.

After being squished by a mass of very strong very blond man, Gaara left to finish the last of the ridiculous amount of paperwork the transfer had generated before assigning Naruto to some simple missions which wouldn't take him too far away from Suna but would keep him busy for about a month, with plenty of rest breaks in between of course.

Before he could confront Naruto, both of them needed to get a sense of normalcy established, and Naruto needed to get used to living in Suna. Only after he had fulfilled Naruto's unconscious desires- the desires he knew so well- of home and acceptance and security would he move to the Uchiha.

He wanted Naruto, he wanted to touch and kiss and feel ; But he expected nothing from him. If his beloved wanted to, they would move further in their relationship and strengthen their bond. After Naruto had grieved and healed as best as he could of course. When it came to Naruto, Sabaku no Gaara was nothing if not honourable. It was a good thing that he had been a silent observer of people and emotions and interactions all this while. His awkwardness was simply a result of no hands-on experience. If he hadn't been as observant, he may have never understood, never been able to think clearly and understand that he loved, and would love a certain blonde for a very very long time.


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto sat beside Sasuke's grave marker , enjoying the glorious sunrise. He'd been so entirely busy and distracted by his move to Suna, the numerous missions Gaara had for him, that the only thing he could do, even on rest days was to collapse in bed and fall into dreamless slumber. He hadn't been able to visit Sasuke for weeks.

Heaving a painful sigh, Naruto noticed that it was becoming harder to ignore the gaping emptiness in himself, that the warmth from Gaara's words and actions was fleeting, and the aches had begun again. It was a wonder he could perform in his missions at all, but while he was doing his duties he just... switched off now. He couldn't come up with the extra energy to be bold and loud and put in more than his best efforts in. Although, his missions were suspiciously within the perimeter of Suna.

Not that he was given lower ranking missions despite his continued status as genin; The missions just kept him close to home.

Just the fact that he could call the place he lived a home and not just a mere refugee was an enormous improvement though. He no longer had physical injuries from drunk ignorant villagers, and found that despite his willing submission to them in the past months, he didn't need them to feel anymore. He had work enough. Times like now though, when every bit of him wanted to scream and cry and rage and beg for the gods to give him Sasuke back, he wondered if he really wanted to feel at all. What good were feelings if all he felt anymore was a weariness of soul he had never possessed even in his loneliest days? What was the point of living through more grief and hurt? Hadn't endured enough without reason? Hadn't he fought to protect the very people who stoned him and tormented him and treated him like filth? Was the taint of the demon sealed in him so great that even the Fates enjoyed tormenting him? Was he really a monster? Did he deserve to have his family, his only love and tether to life be forcefully ripped away from him?

Even as these thoughts ran rampant in his head Naruto felt his resolve and confidence crumbling. He found himself thinking back to every name the villagers and even the rookie nine save for Shikamaru had called him before they got to know him and agreeing with them. He was worthless, a demon, a monster, a criminal, evil.

He shuddered, the words repeating themselves in a loop like a bad song stuck in one's head. They seeped into him, made him angrier, making him clench his fists so hard his palms bled. He didn't want to be a demon, he didn't want to hurt, he didn't want to be a goddamn monster! He wasn't, he couldn't, he just wanted to protect his friends dammit! That's all it was! He wasn't a monster!

The spider lily, blood red fueled his fury and sorrow, a mere token of all the pain he felt now that he had lost his lover-who-never-was by his own hand. What could flowers do to soothe his pain? What could flowers do for the dead? Did Sasuke even care? Or was he disgusted by the fact that a demon was visiting him at his grave and leaving him flowers?

Unwittingly without even recognizing his actions for what they were Naruto had begun scratching himself, so lost in his thoughts that he barely felt the sting as his nails ripped open his skin and stitched back together with the healing powers of the Kyuubi no Kitsune sealed inside him. When he noticed his skin healing itself though, his temper rose and he began rapidly scratching himself again and again, anything to keep himself from healing, anything to deny the truth of the existence of the demon inside. Anything to make it hurt so he could take the punishment that no one seemed to give him. Anything to bleed.


	8. Chapter 8

Gaara watched horrified as Naruto started to fall apart and break down. Truthfully though, he had anticipated this, which is why he had ensured that Naruto's missions never took him too far away from Suna. No matter how expected though, the reality was terrifying.

His Naruto, his beloved was tearing away at his skin with his own nails, not even bothering with the arsenal of weaponry a ninja usually carried. It was only when Naruto's whisker marks started darkening that Gaara was snapped out of his stupor and sent his sand out to encase Naruto in his Sand coffin,a gentler version of it. The move however wasn't one of his brightest ideas as it only served to make the blond angrier and lose more control, the tail count reaching to two.

At a loss, Gaara watched helplessly at a growling, snapping not-quite-Naruto and contemplated his options. Very slowly he brought up his hand to Naruto's cheek. He wasn't entirely certain about what he was doing, and knew that he was simply running on adrenaline and acting on instinct and watched in fascination as his hand began to gently stroke and caress the whiskers marks on his beloved's face.

The change in Naruto was startling. The red eyes gazed at him surprised and curious before giving way to clear, albeit dull blue. The colour itself sent a pang through his chest. He remembered what those could look like at the height of joy, and the change was painful to look at. He wanted to bring that sheer joy back to his beloved's eyes, even if it was for a little while.

Tentatively Gaara embraced Naruto, letting his sand fall as Naruto came back to himself and began returning the hesitant hug fiercely. He clung to Gaara, breathing harshly, and Gaara could feel his chest heaving against his own. He felt the tremors running through Naruto's body, making it shake uncontrollably with barely restrained emotion. Slowly smoothing his hands over his back, Gaara quietly whispered to his broken blond nin- who despite his larger frame looked oh so fragile in his arms- and allowed him to let go and scream, because Gaara knew that was what he needed.

And Naruto screamed.

The scream heightened till it reached an inhuman howl of grief and despair, of loss and destruction. The sound sent chills down Gaara's spine and made him hug his beloved tighter, quite certain that he would lose Naruto to the Uchiha into death if he didn't hold on tight enough. Naruto let the sound rip through his chest and throat, tearing the latter in the process, till his voice gave out and all his was reduced to were hoarse sobs and painful whispers of how he couldn't find the will to go on living a life without Sasuke because he didn't know how. Of how killing Sasuke made him feel dirty and like a murderer, because it wasn't just a job, it was his friend and the boy he loved. Of how he was convinced that he could never be punished enough and wondered why no one did, of how much he wished the Akatsuki- who had been destroyed the year before- would still be around just to capture him, because they could destroy him, because he was a monster who deserved it.

At the last though Gaara snapped. In a very quiet, very hurt voice he questioned Naruto if he was a monster as well, because even if Shukaku no longer existed in his body, he too had once been a jinchuuriki, and always would be painted as one. Silencing the spluttering Naruto with a finger, he then explained as bets as he could, with his eyes smarting with tears he hadn't cried in over a decade and a half, that Naruto had suffered enough, that he would never be a monster, and that he had done Sasuke a favour, because no child would have been able to walk away from the massacre of his family unscathed, and never having received proper assistance, had consistently deteriorated. He promised Naruto that there was nothing he could have done, and that he was worth living for, feeling very much like he was soothing a very young child, a very young version of himself. Holding him impossibly closer, Gaara continued to promise Naruto space and time to recover, to re-learn how to live without Sasuke, but with a home and security and comfort, and with him by Naruto's side, regardless of the relationship Naruto wanted with him, because he knew.

Not giving his beloved a chance to speak, Gaara began rocking him slowly, as he remembered Yashamaru had done for him as a child, his sand rusting softly, trying to lull the blond to sleep. Naruto's grip on him had tightened when he had affirmed the similarity of their existence, but now it eased slightly, and his breathing evened out his he fell into exhausted sleep.

Gaara chose to stay awake rather, sending a quick carrier pigeon to Kankuro to ensure that he did not worry and took care of the Kazekage duties for the day while he guarded his Naruto's sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

In the aftermath of the 'Incident' as Naruto had begun to refer to it in his head, he had found himself safely wrapped up in the slender arms of his not-just-friend-not-quite-lover. Gaara was more, so much more than just a friend to him, although he had never really considered him as a potential lover. Growing dizzy with all the confusion Naruto sat himself down again. He had been put out of active duty for an indeterminate period of time, to which he had agreed only grudgingly. There really wasn't much he could say when his denials of ill health had been silenced by the raise of a non-existent eyebrow and a pointed look at his arms which were slow to heal after all the damage he had done to them in his enraged state. Naruto shuddered. If anything, it was the loss of control which had convinced him. If it had been anyone but Gaara... he really didn't want to think about what could have happened.

So here he was, free to go wherever he pleased to in Suna, as long as he spent the evenings with Gaara. Gaara never said anything of course, he seldom had need to. Unlike Sasuke's constant scowl, Gaara really didn't have much of any expression on his face. In the evenings with his friend and Kazekage he often rambled on about meaningless things. It was at dusk though, with the room in shadows that he cried and let out his deepest fears and imagined failings. At times he would rage and scream, blame everyone for his sorrow and grief, blame himself for not being strong enough, trying desperately to cling to the the past which was merely half forgotten memory. Sometimes he was quiet, grieving silently. All through his tantrums and shifting moods Gaara stayed quiet. He would never say a word, never interfere, only listen. The only time he had stepped in was when he had started tearing at himself with his nails again, unconsciously as the last time. Sand had gripped his arms and held them till he stopped, held them even as he had yelled furiously at Gaara, alternating between muttered insults and loud threatening. In the aftermath though, as the sun finally set and the cold began seeping in, Gaara would hold him as he had done at Sasuke's grave, and whisper promises of companionship, tell him he wasn't alone, and never would be again. The tenderness would be his undoing, no matter how often it was repeated, and he would cry himself to sleep in his friends arms and would wake up the next day comfortable in his very soft, large bed.

Not that he didn't have anything to do mind, as he recuperated. Gaara had determined that Naruto was to accompany him on all diplomatic missions, simply because of the blond's ability to inspire and unite. To draw others to him and bring even the worst enemies together. It wasn't his fault that Konoha had chosen to ignore Naruto's talents.

Naruto thus found himself assisting the Kazekage with paperwork and reading scroll after scroll of documents related to Suna's relationship with the other villages, of Suna' own politics with the rest of the Wind country. Knowing that he would not be mocked or reviled for his ideas and opinions allowed Naruto to openly speak and expand his diplomatic skills, always flavoured with his own twists and impulsive ad-libbing of course. Gradually as another two months passed Naruto was slowly re-instated into active duty, having to start over with D-ranked missions to allow himself time to learn with Gaara and assist him before moving on to the higher levels as it became apparent that he had finally moved on to a grief that that was more healing than destructive. His knowledge of Suna's foreign policies had also grown exponentially, and there really wasn't much left to learn. Now all that was left was for him to take the jounin exams before he became a permanent attachment by Gaara's side professionally. Not that he already wasn't.

Naruto isn't stupid. He knew what Gaara felt for him, but also recognized that his friend would not ask for more than he could give. Sometimes, Naruto believed that he would willingly give Gaara anything he wanted, even if it wasn't strictly what he wanted, he isn't healed enough for that yet. A large part of him was crushed with Sasuke's death, and he only has broken pieces of himself to give in a relationship. But if Gaara asked, he wouldn't refuse. He would never refuse Gaara.

Perhaps that is why Gaara never asked.


	10. Chapter 10

The jounin exams came too soon in Gaara's opinion. It meant that his beloved was going to away from him with minimum contact for nearly three months. This, after they had spent nearly every evening together for the past five months. The idea actually made Gaara pout in a fit of pique though he managed to bring his face back to his normal blank expression before anyone noticed.

Naruto had gotten better everyday. He wasn't completely alright, and Gaara doubted if he ever would be, but the pain and guilt weren't eating his beloved up from the inside and the grief wasn't nearly as debilitating as before. He was healing, and that was more than anyone could ask for, especially in their line of work. At the very least Naruto would meet his friends again, and it was well past time that he did. Most of the rookie nine were already jounin, having taken the exams earlier. The Inuzuka and Lee were the only two who weren't and they had opted out of the exams this year for their own reasons. Gaara couldn't really be bothered with them. Iruka and Kakashi were apparently going to take time off to visit and cheer Naruto on, as were his other friends, and they would be allowed to meet with him but he wouldn't because he was the Kazekage.

The relationship between the two of the was mostly a simmering, comfortable one. He knew Naruto was aware of his...affections for him, but they were at present not even acknowledged. Surprisingly enough, he found that he was content with whatever the blond was willing to give at the moment. He would not ask for more. Not when he knew that Naruto would give him anything he wanted despite his own feelings regarding the matter. If it was to happen, it would happen at their own pace and time. Of that he was certain. In the meanwhile he would stay with Naruto, watching and protecting him even from himself, as Naruto had once done for him.

The preparations weren't much in terms of diplomacy, considering it was being held Iwa in the Earth country. Naruto however had begun training in earnest even though Gaara believed his training regimen to be a mite too extensive. Really, it might be a jounin exams, but Naruto was a student of one of the Sannin. And was a sage. Did it have to be so time consuming and utterly exhausting? Didn't Naruto know that they wouldn't be able to talk much because of his position during the exams? Gaara found sulking rather pleasant. Best get it out in private before he frightened his subordinates. Or teased by Kankuro. Really, what was the point of being feared as a child only to be teased mercilessly when he decided to stop crushing annoying bugs?

Sighing at the the way his life had been turned topsy-turvy courtesy of one very blond, very adorable boy who had grown up into a very very sexy man, Gaara smiled a small, rueful smile and got back to paperwork. Maybe he could find Naruto and drag him away from training for a little while if he finished early enough. If he took too long the only thing his beloved would be was dead weight. Silly boy who had grown into a lovely man.

Gaara smiled again.


	11. Chapter 11

As a child, Naruto hated the silence. Silence meant shadows from which real monsters in the skin of the villagers would attack. Silence meant being lonely, which he could say with certainty was different from being alone. Silence meant no one to acknowledge his existence. Silence made him nothing.

When he grew up and reached the age when one had declared would achieve great things, Naruto fulfilled the first step to his life-long dream of being respected. He became a shinobi. A loud shinobi in every sense of the word. His clothes were orange. Orange was loud. He was loud. There was no silence. He was not nothing.

So when he saw a Sasuke drowning, bleeding, burning in the silence, he made it his mission to save him. He was still a boy then of course, and still believed that he could be everyone's hero even though no one was his.

He fought for Sasuke. That much remained true through all his years up till the day he killed him. At that time, and for several months after Naruto believed that he had turned into the monsters that rose from the silence, and was convinced that he didn't deserve any better. So he removed the sound and drowned in the suffocating silence.

The past few months that he had spent with Gaara however had made him realize a few things that he had barely spared a glance to earlier.

He had been deeply in love with Sasuke as a boy, but he was a man now. He had hated the silence because of the seeming nothingness that emanated from it and touched all who lived with it. Now though, he noticed, he had been living with a man who spoke less than Sasuke did, a man who lived silently and attacked stealthily, a man who could be described in one word as silent, and yet, he was anything but afraid. He had a hero now, and didn't have to save everyone anymore. Just sit back and let himself be saved.

Naruto was quite certain that he could come to love the silence; he was definitely on the way there. It was different from the way he had loved Sasuke though. It was not as desperate, and didn't make him hurt. It was more mature… The love of a man as opposed to the love of a boy. It was… comfortable.

Smiling an actual smiling instead of his trademark grin, Naruto made his way to Gaara's room. It had been a long three months of tests and matches after which he had been finally appointed a jounin of Suna. The most taxing, however, was the distance he had been required to keep from his Kazekage. He was well aware of Gaara's pique during the period, and could swear to have seen the Kazekage actually pout at one point. The very idea made him want to laugh himself breathless.

He was also equally aware of his need for space and time to come to terms with the massive swirl of emotions he was being plagued with. Reaching the door, he allowed his chakra to flare briefly, the nervous energy making him more polite than usual.

Instead of the sand he expected though, Gaara himself was at the door, and at that moment, he was the closest thing to perfect that Naruto had ever seen.

Moving quickly, he pulled the vaguely surprised red-head to him, bringing up his calloused hands to frame the ridiculously soft cheeks, protected from the vagaries of nature by nature herself. Making eye contact briefly, Naruto bent down and captured a thin pale pink bottom-lip between his teeth, suckling on it lightly before pressing his lips gently but firmly onto those of the now very startled Gaara.

Drawing out the not-quite-chaste kiss for as along as he could, Naruto finally pulled back and crushed Gaara's smaller frame to himself, trying to say as much as he could not despite the silence, but through it.

As they embraced each other through the night, through soft moans sighs and harsh breaths the two men only heard the tenderest of words and tentative promises of a tomorrow, and a tomorrow after that. That alone was enough. The silence was enough.


	12. Epilouge

They had smelt it a mile away, and later saw the dark, full, heavy clouds shade Sunagure. The heavens poured and Naruto ran, pulling a reluctant Gaara along with him, getting both of them soaked. Gaara was uncomfortable, the muddy ground really wasn't conducive to his defense, but the sight that he would soon be witness too was something he wouldn't miss for the world.

The earth became muddy and slushy and Naruto, Naruto came alive. The thrum of energy in him increased as he let lose all the spiritual energy that Kyuubi seemed to reserve for the monsoon, letting it flow into the desert village and returning balance to both himself and the world. And then, Naruto danced.

He laughed like a young child in a candy store, jumped into puddles and twirled in the downpour, dragging his reluctant lover with him as he dashed madly around houses and buildings and markets, eyes gleaming and a wicked smirk curling up his scarred face. Gaara fancied himself in the company of the devil.

It had been five years, and the great rains had come to Suna. And perhaps, thought Gaara as Naruto gripped his hand reassuringly even as he grinned his wicked little grin, the great rains had come to rejuvenate Naruto's soul as well.


End file.
